Saturday, August 13, 2005

For better or worse

I occassionally think about him and how he's getting along. I wondered also if he still felt the same way he did. I constantly ponder on the possibilites if we actually get together. I love his presence and misses it so. He used to make me laugh ALL the time. It took him a very long time to warm up to me but he did. Boy, was I glad that was so. He can pull the funniest face and it will look real spastic but he made me laugh. I missed those times.

I paid a visit to his blog today and saw an entry that answered my (silent) queries. He has moved on. He may not be with the girl whom he likes right now but he has moved on. I was only a thing from his past. Maybe he doesn't even think about me anymore - after we had that talk before the end of school separated us. Maybe it's all for the better. It will be just too complex if we get together. Neither of us would budge when the need to choose between the two religions arise. That's the complication. That was the reason why I chose not to let it happen when you confessed to me. I have seen multi-racial relationships crumble at the very last moment. It was so hard for both parties to part but they knew they had to. I was not ready for that. I have also seen marriages where the husbands embraced Islam for the sake of marrying the wife. Personally, if I were to ever be with someone who is not initally a Muslim, I want him to embrace Islam out of his OWN accord. Not because he wants to be with me nor is it because of anything else. It should be because he has truly seen the truth in my faith. I believe that before you can start to love , you need to get to know first. This does not just apply to relationships. This applies to anything - even religion.

Maybe it is all for the better, Insya Allah. ALLAH knows everything. Maybe He has someone better planned for me and him. Whatever, it is, he made me feel so wonderful - not just back then, even now. I feel appreciated, you know. Like someone can actually love me even after he has seen me at my worst and at my best.

1 comment:

Mahdrina said...

i know what you mean. i was with a guy once but he is a catholic and he wouldn't budge and i had to leave. now, he's married with a 3 year old daughter and it would be wonderful to meet up with him again, for friendship's sake.

yes, you can call me maddy (my friends do...:) )

exactly!!! i do regret sending resumes to other orgs (sometimes) coz of the miserly pay but i am so berat hati to leave. i lurve my colleagues, my boss, the children. but i detest the pay!