Unsent

Dear Nisha,

How are you doing? It's been ages since we last went out and chill together. Frankly speaking, I do miss spending time with you.

In the past, I always had this idea that we will stay best friends for life. Nothing can ever break us up. Not even boys. NOTHING! I used to have this idea that our friendship was THAT strong. All the time, I see other friendships crumbling down when the two best friends do not see each other for a long time or when one of them is attached. I used to strongly believe that you and I can still spend some time together eventhough we are not in the same schools or even when one of us is attached. I really do believe that. Maybe because I was naive. Or maybe I was afraid. I was afraid to be alone. I was afraid that I will have no-one if you are not my friend. I was afraid that I will have no-one to call up when I feel low. I was afraid of being friend-less.

I had so much hatred for you. Your life seemed to be going great. You have been accepted to take BA in Education, you have someone who loves you very much, you are still attractive to the opposite gender eventhough they know that you are in a relationship. I had to put up a brave front in order to hide my insecurities. I know that you truly deserve all those goodness (considering what you went through when you were younger). But a part of me still...hate you. I apologise for having such evil feelings for you but my emotions got the better of me.

Years go by and we are getting further and further away from each other. But I am changing. I have made a choice to change my life and my perception on life. I have realised that nothing lasts in this world except ALLAH. I am learning to love but at the same time, I am also learning to let go of some of the things that I love. I am learning to be independent. I do need a shoulder to cry on at times but for most of the time, I have no-one else but myself and ALLAH swt. I have to admit that it is not an easy skill to master but I am improving - day by day. I am becoming stronger with each obstacle that comes my way.

So if you ever get to read this, I just want to say that I miss you a whole lot and I am hoping for the day when we can meet and do some catching up. It is not that I have never asked you out. I have but I guess you are really busy. I understand that. It makes me happy to know that you are doing the things that you've always wanted to do. (Now, I really mean it when I say I am happy for you.)

Have a nice life, best friend.

Sighs. Something that Nisha will never ever get to read. A letter that will be left...unsent.