Friday, March 25, 2005

I have a dream

This is unbelievable. This is actually my second time doing this particular entry. I was not sure what I did the previous time but everything was gone in a split second.

Anyways, it was 7.25am when I first did this entry. I wanted to go back to sleep but I just could not get my eyes shut. My mind is still warming up but I can remember the dream I had.

I dreamt about my kids at ETP. It was like as if someone rewound my thoughts and replayed the moments I had at ETP which I truly enjoy. The feelings and the emotions made it almost real. In my dream, I saw Ryunosuke, Rei, Chihiro etc. I am amazed at how attached I feel to the kids. I kept wishing that I can rewind to the 3 weeks that I had but I can't do that. So I chose to learn whatever I can from the experience.

I have learnt that the power of a simple touch can have such amazing effects. I felt so complete and loved when Ryunosuke voluntarily grabbed my hand and wrapped it around him while he was on my lap. Eventhough I was hugging him, I could feel the sense of warmth and love towards him. I felt loved because there is another human being, who is not my flesh and blood, who willingly craves for my attention. I always had the idea that I can never handle and portray love and care for children as Kakak but I was wrong. I could do just the same or even more.

I have learnt that the art of letting go of someone you love is actually a form of healing. I must accept the fact that no matter how much I care for the children, at the end of the day, they have their own parents who love them even more. They are mine only when in school. I must also accept the fact that these kids will have to leave me one day, either to go to formal schools or they might migrate to another country. I must be able to easily adapt to these sort of changes. No doubt the kids will leave me one day but that is not an excuse for me to ever stop loving and caring for them.

The moments I had with the kids at ETP shall never be forgotten but I must move on. I hope to find and spread the same kind of love and trust to the kids at my first official childcare centre. Now it is their turn to have a piece of me. This is also an opportunity for me to learn and grow as an educator for the benefits of the kids. It is all for the kids, all for them.

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