Being angry and suppressing such negative emotions is not going to make things any better. It is really amazing at how ALLAH can help me to feel reassured, calm and at ease whenever something horrible happened.
I have finally come to Rule 8 of the book I am currently reading right now, which is titled If Life is a Game, These are the Rules by Cherie Carter-Scott.
This rule provides lessons on responsibility, release, courage, power and adventure. I have only read on the first two.
I have to start taking responsibility of my life. This is my OWN life. No one can live it except me. No one can tell me what to do except me. I have been experiencing these feelings since forever. I always thought that being with someone else, either a friend or a boyfriend. will make me whole. I believe that that is my problem. This theory of mine is really not helping me become a better person. Instead, it is hampering my growth. This is when the art of realising comes in. I must learn to let go as that is the key to happiness.I have to let go of the theory that I need to (always) be with someone in order to make my life more enjoyable and more fulfilling. My life is fantastic as it is. I do not need anyone to make me feel better about myself. The ball is on my court, so to speak. The decision lies in my hands - not in the hands of some other individual.
Yes, it does hurt and can be a little demoralising when you are always without anyone to go out with. But seriously, that is a speck of dust as compared to my blessings and the better side of my life, which I have unconsciously chosen not to acknowledge all this while.
But life is not about going out with a group of friends all the time and being popular with the opposite gender and all (eventhough it would be great should that happen). I have to admit that those "possessions" do sound good. But it is not everything. I have wasted so much of my youth, wanting to be a part of something or someone. I searched high and low for the someone to "cling" on to. But I must stop this. It is ruining my life. I must appreciate what I have presently. Once it is gone, I might never be able to have it back.
I will make it a point to identify at least one good thing that I have done for the day and one thing that I am grateful for each day. I am making it a point to do so every time I make an entry - starting from now.
I am grateful for being able to afford to eat at restaurants anytime I want. (I am expecting my pizza to be delivered anytime soon. Hehehe) I am grateful for the good salary that I withdraw each month, which in turn enables me to finally purchase my own things using my hard-earned money.
I did not vent my anger out on Kakak eventhough I was really burning inside just now. I chose to control my emotions and give her the respect she deserves. I could have brushed her off but I chose not to do so because she does not deserve the cold treatment.