Wednesday, January 4, 2006

After grief, comes happiness

An hour or so of facial, the whiteheads on my nose squeezed out, hair trimmed without a cost. One would be a very happy bunny after all that cheap-ass pampering. I wasn't a totally happy bunny - yet. I was just halfway there. A part of me still thought of what he was doing, if his mind was filled with me (as how mine is with him). I thought and thought. He was filling up 98% of my thoughts that I was better off not being able to think, you know. All my thoughts are of him. Everything I see, do, read about or whatever reminds me of him. How do I get to this? To this point where no bridge is built yet but he fills my mind with his everything. How? How did it get to this? I don't wish for it to be like this. I hate being in the unknown. In a state of not knowing what's happening at the present moment. I hate that.

Yes, yes, I am all emo again. I cared too much. Maybe it's because I have finally met a man (other than the men in my life) who possess the traits of a man I would like to spend my life with. In this corrupted and materialistic world, that is a rare gem. I have seen others who were able to find that gem. Frankly, I would like my share as well. And then it came to this.

I grieved. I grieved even on my vacation. But not anymore. I have grieved enough.I have pondered, wondered enough. It is time I live. Start living after having my heart stopped numerous times with every single word that were said.

Blogging is a risk. A risk because the people whom you direct your posts to might end up reading them - especially if they know the URL. I am willing to take that risk, i guess. I have to say that I am afraid. Afraid that my heart will be known and that will make me somewhat vulnerable. But I don't see it that way. I am human and I feel. I have feelings. I hurt and I rejoice. That's me. That's me being a human with feelings. I can choose to create an uplifting post. However, I recover from heartaches by pouring out my thoughts. I usually feel better afterwards. Frankly, I am feeling slightly better as we speak. The whole picture is slowly making its form in front of me - slowly but surely (like I always say). I do wish something excellent works out of this thing that we have gotten ourselves into. I really do. But praying is all I can do. The rest is up to The Almighty. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. That cheers me up somewhat.

If it doesn't work out, it's alright. One cannot always have what one wants.

Hope is what is filling me up now. Hope and faith. Faith that ALLAH s.w.t. would never leave me in the lurch. My life is in His Hands. It's in good Hands.

1 comment:

zuhri said...

enough griefing, dik. there's a whole new year in front of you. make it better than last year. happy new year, anyway