Monday, December 19, 2005

My blood brothers and sister

2005 saw me strengthening the love between my siblings and I. Not that it needed anymore modifications to be stronger but the love between us was multiplied nonetheless.

I have always been envious of them being better than me in so many ways. They are independent, clever, good-looking, charming - evrything I was not. I was just a chatterbox. I talk too much and I was just full of "rubbish". Self-confidence was such a big issue which I had to overcome. It was there but never really dealt with. I chose not to; in a hope to go through less pain and jealousy.

But the three of us are now grownups - somewhat. We have gone through so much as a family. Sibling rivalry never was successful to bring us apart and so was she - that horrible, horrible woman.

My charming abang can be extremely annoying at times. I believe that the nickname he gives me will never change even if I have an hour glass figure. But I love him. He went through a lot. At one point of time, I was constantly irritated at him - for reasons even I am not sure of. But I slapped myself on the face when he fought for me to get my pay from that wretched place. I pondered on my egoness (and slapped myself again when I realised how I was becoming more and more like THAT woman. Masya ALLAH. Na 'uzubillah). He hurts inside and I hope that by being around us, he somewhat feels loved and will regain the confidence to live this journey we call Life. Abang, please do not ever feel like what happened was a burden to the family because it's not. It never was and never will be. You are our brother, brother-in-law and son and we love you for who you truly are. We will stick by your side as much as we possibly can. We are a family. Families don't leave anyone behind. We stick together - forever. Insya ALLAH

My lovely kakak is just one in a million. I love her to bits as well. I was both sad and happy when she got married. Happy that she will be with the one man who loves her and whom she loves very, very much. Sad because I know for certain that things will change. She will have less time for me and I will not be able to have her ALL BY MYSELF. I hated that because like my abang, she taught me a gazillion things. She was there to see me through my heartaches with all those morons who hurt this fragile being. She gave me advice on things I can never talk to anyone but my own sister. She never literally expressed her feelings when I hurt but I could sense how much her insides ache too seeing me all forlorn and teary-eyed. She tried to be firm with me but she is oh so gentle to be so. I am now brave enough to express my love for my sister by resting my (heavy) head on her shoulders or thighs - and she never moved an inch to push my head away. *bliss*

Just like my brother and father, Abang Fitri is living proof that besides the men in my family, the world still does consists of such rare gems from the opposite gender. The kind, loving, responsible, beriman but yet firm and strong in character type of man. (Am not sure if there is any left for me? I hope so.)

Why do I suddenly have all these strong emotions? I really am not sure. But what I do know is that if I die one day (it could be tomorrow), I would like these individuals mentioned above to be able to read this blog and know how much I am appreciative of all the wondrous things they have done for me and how intense my love is for them. Thank you, Abang, Kakak and Abang Fitri. You guys helped me overcome everything together with all the rest of the jolly people of the world.
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That's them on top. Abang's head got chopped off a little bit because my mother was the one who captured this photograph. That's quite self-explanatory, ain't it? Hehehehe. Love you guys..

4 comments:

Raihan said...

ADIK!

This is a very moving post. You're a very sweet sister tau!!

I wish my younger siblings macam nie. Baru akak boleh blanja habis-habis! Heh. Nie tak...okay lah...okaylah..my sister is ALMOST as sweet as you. But my brother is...like a zombie.Takde feeling teros kadang-kadang. Heh.

And the recent spate of ugliness on my blog and another one actually has nothing to do with me, that's why I'm not retaliating. Don't worry. The person just got her facts all mixed up and assumed too many things. Padahal kita ada kat sini rilek one corner, tak kacau.

Nehmind. I believe being stoic is the best thing to do now so I'll just keep mum till their brainfreeze melts over.

You take care and please tak mau baca so many self-help books okay?! Not that good all the time tau! Except the Kamasutra one lah BUT THAT'S NOT FOR YOU YET!

Heh.

Fai said...

awww so emotional lahh ni entry. well, pls noe this that even if there's a million ppl hates u, there are always ur family..and also me hehe.. no matter what, they're here for us. and especially, Allah. sometimes one must wonder.. Allah is always here for us but are we always there when He calls for us, five times in a day? not accusing anyone but..hehe..i myself have not served Him enuf.

gahhh...so cheer up girl, there's always a bed of rose for u to fall back, just that sometimes u fell on bed of nails 1st...

always...i said always, wear a smile. think of the things that make u feel good, not things that makes others feel good abt u. okz??

zuhri said...

lucky you

Amby_OFFsPrinG said...

Lizzie to raihan - Kak raihan, ur sister masih so very the young. she will get there. trust me! d;D and ur adik, well....what can i say..men will be men. btw, u hve any extra copies of tt kamasutra books?hehehehe..its always gd to pre-plan..kekekekeke..esp in the you-know-what area.

Lizzie to Fai - thx very the much fai. ur such a shweetheart.

Lizzie to zuhri - im lucky even in the virtual world. to hve known someone like u who is as caring as my own brader. d;D