Saturday, June 4, 2005


Dearest S_L,

Thank you so much for all the great songs you got me! Hahahaha...

I don't know. I always feel so horrible when I talk to you. Don't get me wrong. It is not about you. It's me. I am sorry we are just friends and not more than that. Maybe I'm just hallucinating but I could feel the sincerity and purity of the feelings you harbour towards me. I am not sure if you still have them but you are one of the reasons why I feel so blessed and I slap myself when self-destruction seemed to be the only way to make me feel better about myself. As much as I want to be happy for friends and family members who have went on to build lives with their dream partners, I still do feel a little sad and just plain pathetic. Sometimes, I feel like I can never find 'DA ONE', you know. Like there could be no man in this world who could ever appreciate me for who I really am. Someone who can see me without any masks. Then I saw the email you sent me. I still have it and I intend to keep safely in my hotmail inbox. And it struck me, someone did appreciate me! Why didn't I see that before?I may not be able to reciprocate the feelings you have for me in the same way but I DO care about you, too. Thank, S_L. You don't know the value of the email you sent me. I can never thank you enough. You saw me at my best and my worst and you accepted it all. No questions asked.

One thing though, I hope you will one day be able to see why I feel so strongly about my religion. I pray that you too will be able to embrace and feel the beauty and serenity of Islam .

I am not sure of who my life partner will be. But I just want you to know, that you will always have a place in my heart and I really do appreciate you. Hopefully, there will come a time when you will be able to read this entry of mine. I don't think I can ever have the courage to tell you this face-to-face. So there. Have a nice life, S_L.

With love,

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