I know the true meaning of being lonely.
It's an experience one would try very hard to avoid.
That is why I vowed never, ever to let anyone go through that experience. But of course, I am human. Eventhough there are times I wished I could cut myself into a thousand pieces when a good friend asks me out and simultaneously, I have to attend a family dinner, I can't. But try as I might, I will always accept an invitation.
But then again, maybe I cared too much. I cared too much about others that when it comes to me, I find out that people really don't give a shit.
Maybe some of them does. I know some of my friends really wanted to take up my offer for the free ticket to the Storytellers Showcase but they just cannot.
I was mad. Farking mad at first. I was mad because I felt like I was always there when someone needed me but when I'm down, no one really cares. I was angry because of that. Bloody angry. I promised to be ruthless and self-centered the next time round.
But that was then. Actually, that was just a few moments ago. Breathing in and thinking of ALLAH s.w.t really helps when you're angry. So does crying.
I was angry just a while ago. But I just feel blessed now. Blessed that I will get to enjoy an exciting showcase that will help me as a teacher. I am feeling satisfied as well because I have enabled a small girl to enjoy a little bit of storytelling entertainment on a fine Sunday evening.
I am not filled with hatred anymore. I do not want to tire myself.
My friends, I am sorry for cursing and being angry. I understand your predicament. I am sure you tried your best. Maybe some other time.